soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
