I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
