Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
