He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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