my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
