I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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