I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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