sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize