Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
