Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
