I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
