I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How does one acquire holy water?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
