you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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