is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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