i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
