I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
