Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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