god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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