so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
