I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
