i think my tv is drunk
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
