my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
