If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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