By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
