At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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