Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
