Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
