You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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