i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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