Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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