Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
