Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
