Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
