I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
