You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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