wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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