I just threw up on my dentist
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
