i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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