so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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