Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
