just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
jump out the window naked night went bad
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