We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
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My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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