You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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