Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
These tits shall not be calmed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
