she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
