I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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