Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
