I must be too annoying 4 u.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
