Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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