I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
