i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
