i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
