Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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