Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
