69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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