I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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