My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
