I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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