Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
