I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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