just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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