I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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