the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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