i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
