So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
