dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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