My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish you could order shots online.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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