I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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