there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
