YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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