Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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