Hey man sorry I got all grabby
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
