I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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