Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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