How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
